Second Free Day: Rockport Massachusetts

AKA Raaaaahckpaaaaht*, like the shoes. Rockport is quaint coumunity of artists that sits at the out end of Cape on the Naaath Shaaaah of Massachusetts….which means it is a town with incredibly strict zoning laws to keep out chain stores, developers, predatory house flippers, the desperately poor and all other quaintness trashing forces of the world. The result is a place that really has no changed at all since my childhood. It was impossible to find parking spaces there then…and its impossible now. But it sure is fun to walk around.

*Note that in the interests of authenticity I will be writing some key phrases in the manner of the local dialect of Boston. Even though this is sometimes 'wicked haaahd' for outsiders to understand, I have felt it necessary in order to preserve the 'local colluh.'

Raaaakpaaaaht has chaaaaractuh. Sylvia loved it.

Rockport Harbor was once a small commercial fishing village back in the day when actual real fisherman could afford to live there. Now, it is basically a show-harbor reserved these days mostly for small pleasure boats. Centerpiece of the haaaaaahbuh is Bear Skin Neck, a long spit of land that forms the left (north) enclosure of the harbor. You can now walk all the way out to the end of the neck. The place gets its name from the fact that, some centuries ago, an unfortunate  bear was trapped by the tide and killed here by the residents of the town. This is in keeping with general New England policy of celebrating the sites of famous killings (the Boston Massacre, Bunker Hill, Salem Witch Trials etc.)

After walking along the neck and attempting to take photos where I wouldn’t be phot-bombed by a lurking 10-year-old, we bought hats. It is required by city ordinance that all visitors to the city buy at least one overpriced item, so we figured we might as well get one that makes us like cool. Not that I don’t look cool anyway…

We then strolled around the back streets looking at the chaaaaahming houses that cost a faaaaahchun…

And some laaaahbstuh paaaahts. And various other nautical paraphernalia. Sponge Bob could easily have lived here.

After this it was time to take the requisite photograph of Motif Number One, the most famous iconic building in the town of Rockport. Of course, this is not the actual Motif One, which washed away in the blizzard of ’78…this is a replica of the original structure. Which really makes it Motif Number Two, if you think about it, but anyway…the former fishing shack enjoys a productive retirement as a landmark and artists model.  The two even keeps it painted in a way that looks weather beaten all year long.

After a lunch of Lobster Roll, it was time to go drive up to the bluffs for a dramatic view of the harbor. As we stood their enjoying the view, a party of young sailors were being instructed in the intracicies of the sea right below our vantage point (IE, a bunch of snot nosed kids in sail boats were trying to run each other aground, which some success.)

A good time was had by all and hats were purchased. What more could one ask for? WITCH brings us to the next destination….

Salem, MA

The Spooky and black mascara/purple hair capital of the world is, actually a very fine place to visit any time of year and not just Halloween. Though most famous for being the sight of the Salem Witch Trials in the 1600’s, it is also a very visitable town that retains probably more historic buildings per square acre than any other place in New England. Some go back to the mid-1600’s, which makes them contemporaries of William Shakespeare and Galileo Galilei.

Salem has a fine haaaaaahbuh too, actually one of the oldest commercial ports on the east coast. It is also possibly the hardest gosh damned place to get in and out of that you will ever have need to go to…there are trans-dimensional portals that are easier to get into than Salem. But we made it in without problems, and more importantly, out with problems, and we returned to Aunt Lois’s luxury suite in Quincy Centuh with no loss of limbs or blood shed.

A great time was had by all on this trip. Sylvia pronounced Rockprt to be ‘very charming’ with houses that have a “lot of character” and a good mix of high and middle end fu-fu shops, and all of this with no discernable homeless population to interfere with the experience. Sylvia awards Rockport four and a half Fu’s on her Fu-Fu scale…Salem, which was “nice but weird” is awarded three.

Next up: Newpaaaaaht, RI